


Counting Time

by tellmesomethinginteresting



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Cancer, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-25 21:43:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19754365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tellmesomethinginteresting/pseuds/tellmesomethinginteresting
Summary: Lucas had been standing outside Jungwoo's house for 15 minutes on the dot every day for the last 25 days.Because 29 days ago, it had happened.Because 28 days ago, Lucas had texted Jungwoo to talk about it and Jungwoo hadn’t answered.Because 27 days ago, Lucas had called Jungwoo to talk about it and Jungwoo hadn’t picked up.Because 26 days ago, Lucas had gone to Jungwoo's house to talk about it and Jungwoo hadn’t been home.I don't know if I'll ever finish this one. I just have these phases where I really love "sick lit" for a while.





	1. 25 days

Lucas had been standing outside Jungwoo's house for 15 minutes every day for the last 25 days.

On weekdays he drove by after classes, on weekends he came by the house during his morning runs. While the time of day and his mode of transportation varied, the amount of time he spent standing outside looking at Jungwoo's window did not, 15 minutes on the dot, every day for the last 25 days.

  
Because 29 days ago, it had happened.

  
Because 28 days ago, Lucas had texted Jungwoo to talk about it and Jungwoo hadn’t answered.

  
Because 27 days ago, Lucas had called Jungwoo to talk about it and Jungwoo hadn’t picked up.

  
Because 26 days ago, Lucas had gone to Jungwoo's house to talk about it and Jungwoo hadn’t been home.

“He’s going to be gone for a while,” Jungwoo's mother had said when Lucas had knocked on the front door.

“How long is for a while?” Lucas had asked. Jungwoo's mother had shrugged as a response.

“Can you at least tell him that I really need to talk to him?”

She had only given him a sympathetic smile, so sympathetic that it had bordered on pitiful.

  
25 days ago, Lucas had been jogging when he had suddenly found himself standing in front of Jungwoo's house. The sun had already started to set but the entire house had been dark and there had been no cars parked in front of it. For a second, Lucas had thought about climbing up to Jungwoo's room like he had done on the night when it had happened. But then 15 minutes after he had first come to a stand-still in front of Jungwoo's house, he had turned around and run back home.

  
24 days ago, Lucas had been driving home from school down the street where Jungwoo lived. Lucas usually made a small detour to give Jungwoo a ride home after school. Apparently, this route had been so ingrained in him that he had taken it without even thinking about it. Lucas had parked across the street, but he hadn’t left the car. He had only stared at Jungwoo's window for 15 minutes.

  
23 days ago, Lucas had been driving to a friend’s house which was in the same neighborhood as Jungwoo's. He had parked down the street and walked up to Jungwoo's house. He had stood on the walkway leading past the house. It had been 4:02 when he had come to a halt on the walkway. It had been 4:17 when he had turned around to walk to his friend’s house.

  
And that was how it had started, how he had come to stand outside Jungwoo's house for 15 minutes on the dot every day for the past 25 days.

  
He hadn’t called, however. And he hadn’t texted, either. Somehow, actually reaching out to Jungwoo seemed too daunting and too desperate. It didn’t make any sense if he thought about it rationally but it felt comfortable. Maybe it was because Jungwoo's mother had said that Jungwoo would be gone for a while. Maybe he didn’t actually want to see him.

  
But he had kept on standing outside Jungwoo's house for 15 minutes on the dot every day for the last 25 days.

  
He hadn’t told anyone about what he was doing. When his friends had wondered where Jungwoo had gone, he hadn’t said anything. When his mom had asked why he didn’t hang out with Jungwoo anymore, he had told her that Jungwoo was busy with school.

  
But he had kept on standing outside Jungwoo's house for 15 minutes on the dot every day for the last 25 days.

  
He hadn’t talked to Jungwoo's parents. They weren’t home often, especially not on weekdays. But if he came by very early or very late on weekends, he would see light shining through the living room or bedroom windows or their beat-up standing in the driveway.

  
But he had kept on standing outside Jungwoo's house for 15 minutes on the dot every day for the last 25 days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you for getting this far. This is one of the few things I've written I'm actually proud of. Just a few things about me as a writer: First of all, my stories almost exclusively take place in the U.S. I just feel more comfortable writing that way, because I've never been to Korea and don't know what a Korean highschooler's life is like. Second of all, maybe you'll see some familiar faces but the number of them will be very limited. I don't know why, but I prefer to come up with entirely new characters or pick idols who fit my vision of what the character looks like over what relationship they share with our two main characters in real life. So, maybe one of the characters will have a sister who is a member of Red Velvet or I.O.I who is dating a GOT7 member or maybe they'll have siblings who are created from scratch. I'll do whatever feels good. Please just bear with me.


	2. Day 31

31 days after it had happened or on the 27th day he went by Jungwoo's house, something was different. It was already quite late but the entire ground floor was lit up and multiple cars were parked outside. Lucas didn’t care about all of that, however. He only cared that the light in Jungwoo's room was turned on.

Lucas’ feet almost developed a will of their own taking 13 steps to the tree standing in the front yard. As he made his way up the tree, he almost felt like he had 31 days ago when it had happened.

When he got to Jungwoo's window, he took a tentative look inside. The room was softly lit by an abundance of dim lights. Jungwoo was weird that way. He disliked having his main light turned on, but still was obsessed with lamps. Therefore, plucked into every electricity socket of his room were fairy lights and antique bedside lamps he bought at various flea markets he always dragged at least one friend to.

That was another thing about Jungwoo. He never went places alone because he hated being by himself. Luckily, that had never been a problem for him since everyone who met him fell in love with him instantly. That was why always at least one person agreed to accompany him to whatever new frozen yogurt place he had discovered or obscure foreign movie he wanted to see.

Lucas had lost count of how many times he had driven Jungwoo for hours to go see some weird indie band no one had ever heard of or visit a modern art exhibit everyone pretended to understand but didn’t really and never would.

Lucas had always secretly thought that not even the artist themselves understood what they were trying to say. They just latched onto whatever the visitors read into their artwork and then said something like: “It’s meant to reflect the internal struggles humans face in a postmodern world shaped by the technology they utilize on a diurnal basis, but art is intended to disturb and to rattle weak minds and this rattling is experienced by everyone in disparate ways.”

“Lucas?”

Lucas had been lost so deep in thought that he had stopped paying attention to what he was actually doing. He hadn’t even noticed Jungwoo had opened the window he had been looking through.

“Lucas, what the hell are you doing here?” Jungwoo asked softly.

“You didn’t answer my text!” Lucas could’ve slapped himself for how whiny that had sounded.

Jungwoo rolled his eyes and was about to close the window again when Lucas caught the window with one hand to stop Jungwoo.

“You’re not going to turn me away after I climbed up this tree for you,” he said and pulled himself through the window in one fluid motion. He couldn’t help but smirk. He, of course, couldn’t know for sure but he was almost certain that it had looked cool.

Lucas took a look around the room and things seemed normal. Everything was dimly lit and slightly untidy. Every inch of the walls was covered in pictures and movie posters and concert tickets.

It would make Lucas break into hives if this were his own room. In this context, however, there was something strangely comforting about the chaoticness of it all. The walls were a glance into Jungwoo's life. To some extend they were a glance into his own.

Lucas pointed at a movie ticket. “I took you to see that.”

Jungwoo took a step closer to him to better make out the ticket.

“Casablanca?” he asked. “ _I_ was the one who took _you_ to see that.”

“I drove,” Lucas countered.

“I suggested it!” Jungwoo threw his arms up in frustration. “Who hasn’t seen Casablanca anyway?”

“Everyone under the age of sixty.”

“It’s a classic!”

“It’s boring.”

Jungwoo gave him a playful shove. “You did not just call one of the most important films in human history boring. You loved it and don’t think I didn’t notice that you were crying at the end.”

Lucas smiled. “Maybe,” he conceded.

Jungwoo smiled back at him and Lucas could feel his heart start to beat faster. And almost like his body had developed a will of its own he could feel himself start to lean towards Jungwoo until their foreheads were touching and for an infinitely small moment, the world only consisted of the two of them.

Suddenly, Jungwoo pushed him away with a surprising amount of force.

Lucas crashed into Jungwoo's desk. “What the hell, man?” Lucas shouted while his hand shot to the part of his back into which the edge of the desk had pierced.

“What are you doing?” Jungwoo hissed.

“What am _I_ doing? What are _you_ doing? We kiss and you say you like me and then you just disappear. If someone has something to answer for, it’s definitely not me.”

From his new position, he suddenly noticed the half-filled suitcase and moving carton next to Jungwoo's bed. He walked over to take a closer look.

“Are you leaving again?” Lucas asked after seeing that the box was filled with some books as well as pillows and blankets. “Are you like moving? In the middle of the school year? And if so, why didn’t you tell anyone?”

Jungwoo didn’t respond. He avoided Lucas’ gaze and put one of the books lying on his bed into one of the cartons.

Lucas took a step towards Jungwoo and grabbed his hands.

“What is going on here, Jungwoo?”

Jungwoo looked up at him and Lucas saw tears forming in his eyes. Lucas could feel him pulling away but he interlaced their fingers and held on tighter.

“Where have you been, Jungwoo? And why didn’t you call or text or at least send a messenger pigeon my way?”

Jungwoo let out a little snort laugh. “Sorry, all of the pigeons had gone home for the day.”

He smiled clearly pleased with himself, but Lucas couldn’t find himself finding this game of hide and seek amusing anymore.

“Just tell me what’s happening here, please.”

Lucas could see a shadow cross Jungwoo's face when he heard that. It was like all the joy from before had just left him.

“I’m sick, Lucas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's important to say here that while writing this I kind of created my own "Lucas" and my own "Jungwoo". The personalities of "Counting Time"-Lucas and "Counting Time"-Jungwoo aren't exclusively based on what the two of them are like in real life. It's more like they are two characters I came up with who look like the "real" Lucas and the "real" Jungwoo but are seperate entities. I think especially Lucas is going to come across differently in this story compared to the way he does in real life. It's not that I don't love him the way he is, but because this story is written from his perspective it was easier to write him the way I pictured him and give him characteristics I like to write about and find relatable, rather than write him the way he acts in real life.


	3. 6 Months

“You’re sick,” Lucas repeated, “Sick how? Do you have pneumonia or something? Is that why you were gone for so long? Were you at the hospital? How bad is- “

“Lucas,” Jungwoo interrupted him, “I have cancer.”

If Jungwoo had pulled out a gun and shot him right in the chest, Lucas probably would have felt less shocked. Cancer? That couldn’t be right. Jungwoo was seventeen and he was fit and healthy and happy. Seventeen-year-olds didn’t get cancer. Healthy people didn’t get cancer.

Smokers got cancer. He had recently saw a magazine article about how people who ate too much processed meat got cancer. But Jungwoo was a vegetarian.

“Do you need to sit down?” Jungwoo asked and pulled up his desk chair. After Lucas had taken a seat, Jungwoo sat down cross-legged on his bed facing him.

“I’ve actually had it before,” Jungwoo began, “I was diagnosed when I was thirteen. I had surgery to remove a tumor in my colon. Then I did a couple months of chemo. Two months after my fourteenth birthday I was cancer-free.”

Jungwoo told his story very matter-of-factly, like it had happened to someone else, like months of chemotherapy weren’t a big deal and could be described in one sentence.

“But if you were cured- “

Jungwoo grimaced. “Cancer survivors don’t really use the word cured, especially not during the first five years. ‘The cancer is in remission’ is the best you can hope for during that time.”

“So, what does that mean for you? Are you doing chemo, right now?”

Jungwoo gave him the same sympathetic bothering on pitiful smile his mother had given him when he had come by the house 28 days ago. “No, I’m not.”

Lucas furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Are you going to start? Or is there something else? Like… I don’t know? What do cancer people do? Radiation? Or-”

“I’m not doing any treatment,” Jungwoo interrupted him.

No treatment, Lucas thought, but that meant that…

“The doctors are, what they call, ‘managing my symptoms’ meaning they’ll treat my pain and whatever else I’m going to have problems with, but they’re not actively trying to get rid of the cancer.”

Lucas felt sick to his stomach. He had to force his next few words to come out. But he had to know for sure. “If they’re not treating you, that means…”

Jungwoo moved closer to Lucas and took both of his hands in his own. “They give me a couple of months, maybe half a year if I’m very lucky.”

Lucas felt tears streaming down his face. This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be true. This had to be a nightmare or an incredibly messed up prank.

“Do you want a tissue?”

Lucas just nodded not being able to get a word out. Jungwoo handed him a dispenser. Lucas wiped his tears as best he could but couldn’t manage to stop crying. “I’m sorry,” he sobbed, “I should be the one comforting you but-” Lucas took a deep, shaky breath – “This is just a lot.”

“It’s fine. You’re like the tenth person I’ve done this with. Though admittedly, my mom was the only one who cried harder than you.” Jungwoo passed Lucas another tissue.

“Thinking about it now you and mom might have to share the first place concerning the number of tears,” he added after Lucas had calmed down a little.

Lucas started laughing. A few seconds later, Jungwoo joined in.

“So, were you ever going to tell me?” Lucas asked after their laughter had died down.

Jungwoo didn’t answer at first. He stared at his hands seemingly thinking about what to say next.

“Last time I was sick,” he slowly began, “all of my friends promised to visit me. And to their credit, they all showed up at least once. But that one time was enough to scare them off in most cases. The throwing up, the hair loss… the death. Cancer is not pretty. It’s really disgusting.”

“And it hurt. Not the cancer, well of course having cancer also hurts, but when my friends didn’t show up anymore. That hurt.” Jungwoo's voice got really quiet at the end of his last sentence. He pulled a tissue out of the dispenser Lucas was holding.

“But I never would have done that,” Lucas said, “I’ll be there for however long you need. I’ll drive you to get frozen yogurt and I’ll hold your hair back when you throw up and I’ll….”

“Don’t promise things you can’t keep,” Jungwoo said, “you don’t know what it will be like. It’s not your typical chemo run. A lot of the disgusting things like the hair loss aren’t because of the cancer. They’re because of the chemo. But there won’t be any this time, so it’ll just be… it’ll just be dying.”

“So that means you don’t know, either,” Lucas said, “you haven’t died before after all. We’ll just have to figure it out together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of the medical stuff is based on my very limited understanding of what cancer is like. No one close to me has ever had it, but I have done some research because I had to for school and I do like to be grounded in reality when I write. Some of my information (and inspiration) does come from movies like "Now is Good", "The Fault in Our Stars", "Irreplacable You" and "Me, Earl and the Dying Girl" among many, so take that with a grain of salt.


End file.
